All Things Joyful with Alexa Balsiger

I vividly remember sitting around the campfire singing at church camp. It was this really cool campfire location, back in the woods, it felt like you were going into a little valley with hills surrounding on all sides, logs lining those sides to sit on during worship and teaching time. Being in that spot has some of my favorite memories there over the years. Our times around the campfire were full of silly songs like “Baby Shark” (yes, sorry, GenZ and younger, millennials knew it first) and also incredibly deep spiritual times of sharing testimonies and singing meaningful worship songs. One of those songs that still stands out was Keith Green’s “Create In Me a Clean Heart”. This is a beautiful melody written to the words of Psalm 51:10-12. This song at the time was so really momentous in asking the Lord to cleanse me of all my unrighteousness, keep me close to Him, and focus on the beauty of the Gospel. God is perfect, I’m not, and He would make a way for me to be made right with Him by sending His son to live a perfect life and make me clean through Him.

As I reflect on that song now, it’s that and so much more. I’m still a sinner (and I think I hate my sin even more now because I’m so much more aware of it, especially in light of our perfect God) and need that cleansing and to be kept close to Him. The line that says “restore unto me the joy of my salvation” has stuck out so much over the last few years. I’ve gone through some pretty painful experiences where it felt like joy couldn’t be found (I’ll be sharing those and digging into them deeper here in time). In that season, it caused me to question so many things and joy had been stolen. It felt like the ultimate pit of darkness and I hated it. Through this journey, my devotion to Jesus hasn’t ever been questioned, but there have been times that I wanted to escape the circumstances in which He had placed me. I prayed over and over again that He would “restore unto me the joy of my salvation”. The reason I have ever pursued ministry–as a lifestyle and vocationally is because I recognize the gift of Gospel, of salvation, and the joy that comes with that. When that joy was feeling stolen and I was questioning my calling, it made it really difficult to thrive in my gifting or choose to continue being the ministry leader He called me to be. I have spent more time in the last few years examining my heart and asking God to reveal sin so I could be made right with Him once again. I focused heavily on the first part of the song/scripture, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right Spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence O Lord, and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.” I started to pray the second part of that so much more, for the Lord to restore the joy of my salvation. In full transparency, I prayed for that and for Him to change my circumstances. In addition to pleading with Him to restore to me the joy of my salvation, I begged Him to change people, to change structures, to establish unity–among so many other prayers, but simply: to change my circumstances. When I reflect on the pain, asking Him to keep me in His presence, keep the Holy Spirit within me, and asking Him to restore the joy of my salvation is where I want to be.

In John 10:10 (CSB), Jesus says “A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.”

Over the last few years, the enemy, stole, killed, and destroyed so much in me, but Jesus gave life and continues to. The enemy has no authority and while I know that, sometimes in the darkness, it feels like he gets more authority than he ever deserves. As I seek Jesus and reflect back, like my childhood self did, asking Him to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me, I pray He’d open my eyes to sin and help me to continue to be more like Him always. As I finish that song with asking Him to restore the joy of my salvation, I trust that He’ll give me the joy–there can be no greater joy than the salvation He gives.